Humans are biologically wired to notice the bad, negative, and dangerous more than the good, positive and safe.

Example: A room full of people, find the difference and the difference is one person is smiling and happy versus a room full of people, find the difference and the difference is a person that is angry and unhappy... you will identify the unhappy person faster than the happy one.

You brain is hardwired to find the things it has deemed unsafe, bad, dangerous and negative that could potentially threaten your existence. If you were a neanderthal it would be pretty imperative that you remember which mushroom killed Bob yesterday so you don't eat that kind, right?

It's pretty imperative that you remember the lion has sharp teeth and can attack you, right?

Very primal. Very instinctual. Very simply: Remember the things that can kill me.

As we evolved we became very tribal and in need of larger communities and groups for our safety and survival. It would be pretty imperative for you to remember not to do something that could lead to you getting kicked out of your tribe and left alone in isolation with minimal defenses, right?

When you look at the fears you have and the negative thoughts or experiences you're hanging on to, if you trace it back on itself you'll see that the foundational fear underneath it is some kind of threat to your survival. Basically, "I could die if this happens."

Survival overrides all other logical thinking when it feels threatened in any physical, mental or emotional way.

Not only that but psychologists have done studies that determine we actually live in need of an 8 to 1 positive to negative ratio. Meaning, for every one negative interaction, occurance, or experience you will need 8 positives to be able to outweigh that one negative.

This is because our most primal needs are still survival and reproduction.* It is imperative to our survival that we are aware of the negatives/dangerous things more than we know the positives or good.

Think of it this way: If your focus is to survive and not be unalived you have to vehemently avoid anything that could make you unalive and not survive. Things that make you live, thrive and improve your experiences once you survive are of no importance at this level of biological awareness and need. STAY. ALIVE.

Full stop. That's the programming. Do not get unalived by anything.

We aren't neanderthals anymore, we aren't even the same homosapiens we were 100 years ago yet this is still why it's difficult for people that feel stuck in survival mode to see anything beyond the immediate circumstances and experiences they're having. When in survival mode you're living on pure primal instinct that doesn't allow for any of our more evolved mental faculties (like problem solving and critical thinking) to be fully engaged; Survive this moment.

There isn't much outside this one moment, this one thing, this one experience. It's difficult to stretch that kind of thinking to anything more positive or abundant, right?

Recap:

1. Must survive and stay alive.

2. 8 positives will finally outweigh the 1 negative

What do you do with this information? How do you use it to create a more fulfilling life and relationships?

1. Recognize when you're in survival mode. Are you only able to see negatives, threats, dangers and bad things? Can you expand outside more than this one moment? This one day? This one week? This one experience or need?

2. Work to give yourself more positives to focus on. These do not have to be big things. It can simply be "I took a breath." "I kissed my spouse." "I saw a bird." "I ate something." Starting small gives us a break in the pattern and habit. You may not be able to see all the solutions and create major changes yet but change is ALWAYS about the small things that add up over time.

3. The next time you do smething that hurts someone - mentally, physically, emotionally - understand that there will need to be at least 8 things that they perceive as positive to start to outweigh that the weight of that negative.

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*Humans are evolving into a period where there is less biological drive for reproduction. This is changing our dynamics in connection, communing and relationships of all kinds.